Drama Queens
by secondhalfoftherainbow
Summary: "What, you think I'd actually kiss a straight girl?" Sasuke is jealous, Naruto plays narrator, and Sakura pays attention in drama class. SasuSaku, with implied Chouji/Ino and a smidge of NaruHina on the side.


AN : Sorry I've been dormant for forever and a half . . . although I'm likely to go back to that . . . this was actually just a scene that came to me completely outside of the fandom, with people from my life as characters. Then I realized the Naruto cast actually fit it pretty well, so I decided I'd publish it. Disclaimer : I don't own the names. I don't own the real live people I used as characters either, but the creator of Naruto doesn't either.  
So without further ado, I present to you . . .

Drama Queens

"Well this is unlike you," she said, perfectly calm. Which was about as unlike her as Sasuke walking up to her and openly accusing her of flirting with someone else, as opposed to just letting her find whoever it was in the hospital with second-degree burns the next day.

Then again, knowing Sasuke, she might be used to such things by now. Anyways.

"Yeah, maybe it is. But it's no more like you to flirt with other guys."

I smothered a laugh. This was even better than most sitcoms.

"_Flirt_ with other guys, yes. Talk to a guy friend, no, and it's nothing you should have a problem about."

"Talking? You asked him to go to a dance! And . . . and you were all over him as soon as he got here!"

Yep. Right.

And for the record, Sakura wasn't all over Lee as soon as he showed up. She glomped him. We all did. Sasuke should have looked at Ino if he thought Sakura was "all over him". And maybe he could take a couple pointers from Ino's boyfriend about tolerance . . . the only reason Chouji hadn't joined in the glompage was because he was off in search of even more food.

"Like I'm not all over any of my friends who I haven't seen in months? Oh, and I didn't 'ask him to a dance', dear, I told him he should come to a party, which Naruto and Ino were probably already trying to get him to come to anyways. I told you. I. Do. Not. Flirt. With. _Guys._"

"Wait, you don't flirt with guys? Meaning you flirt with girls?"

Now this was an interesting development. Everyone, even Sasuke, Supreme Ruler of the Stoic and Clueless, knew Sakura was wildly (and meaninglessly) flirtatious with Ino. It dated back to her bicurious days in eighth grade, before she actually came out as a flamboyantly bi girl (Ino was still straight as far as we knew). But Sasuke'd just called her on it, and he probably didn't mean her dramatically gallant treatment of Ino either.

"Yeah, well so do you!"

I had to laugh at that. Ino and Lee did too. I heard a third giggle behind us, and turned around, expecting to find Tenten or Temari (yes, I have heard them giggle and lived to tell the tale) but instead I saw Hinata.

"Oh, hi Hinata!" I said to her, hoping the darkness would hide the red tint I was sure my ears had just taken on.

"Hi," she replied, still laughing quietly. "I think Sasuke's seriously in over his head now. Can . . . can I hide behind you?"

"Wha?" I could guess why she might have wanted to hide (angry Sakura, jealous Sasuke, someone getting flambe'd . . . ), but why behind me?

She replied tentatively."That 'so do you' thing Sakura just said . . . might have been about me, I think. Sasuke and I are sometimes a bit, uh . . . huggy when he's not *cough* busy with her, and at one party we were at a few weeks back Temari said something about him looking like an ass with a girl on each arm . . . "

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow. The usual urge to yell at teme (yes, I still do sometimes call him teme) for anything I could was subverted by awe for Hinata's cuteness. She was seriously just . . . there were no words for it. Adorable fell several miles short, ran to catch up, and fell back even further.

She continued, staring at her thumbs as she twiddled them. "Yeah . . . I also heard Sakura's mom say something to her about me and Sasuke hugging, asking if she knew and was okay with it . . . so . . . can I hide behind you?"

"Of course! I, uh . . . " I saw the look Ino was giving me, and hurried to save my dignity. "But . . . but if Sakura comes after us I'm running."

Not that I would run if anything really dangerous was threatening Hinata. Of course not. Dammit, my ears were still bright red!

She nodded and looked over my shoulder at what could mean the end of the world as we know it (not really).

Swasuke folded his arms in denial. "No."

Had he just denied flirting with girls? Ever?

Of course Sakura caught that, and the ranting continued.

"Then how'd we end up together? And what about Hinata? Hell, my MOM said she would've thought you were a couple if she didn't know better!"

Hinata squeaked and ducked back behind me. I pinned my arms to my sides, trying to resist the urge to give her a big long hug and tell her everything would be okay and I'd never let her get hurt and . . . damn she was a good distraction. And cute. Far beyond cute. Umm . . . right, back to the drama now.

"Okay. But with Hinata I didn't do anything you never did with Tenten or Temari."

"Fine. But no other times? Ever?"

"No."

"Oh really? Well what about that girl who transferred from that music school? Ta-something or other? I know you liked her."

"Okay, I'll give you that too, but it never got anywhere."

"And neither will Lee and I, 'cause there's nowhere to go!"

Sakura paused, and I thought the apocalypse averted until she started laughing.

"Oh, and . . . flirting with _three_ girls . . . ever . . . excuse me, but that's just a little hilarious given you're a sixteen-year-old guy."

Oh no. Had she just . . . mortally insulted his ability or enjoyment of flirting with girls?

This was going to be good.

"Not really . . . um . . . I have taste!"

. . . And had Sasuke just stuttered?

No, this would be even better than I thought.

Sakura snerk'd. "Taste? Dude, I've probably kissed more girls than you!"

Sasuke smoldered. " . . . what?"

Right. What I said about the apocalypse?

So not averted. If there was a blaze shelter I'd have run for it right then. Were it not for Hinata being painfully adorable behind me.

Sakura, who was either completely unaware of impending disaster or had an ace in the hole, replied : "Yeah, totally! I mean . . . what the heck, just watch!"

Oh holiest gods of nintendo. This would be beyond good.

Sakura walked right towards Ino. Sasuke, Supreme Ruler of the Clueless obviously missed the exchange of smirks, but no one else did. We were also at exactly the right angle to see what actually happened.

Sakura walked over, placed her hand on Ino's face, and kissed her. Passionately. And Ino kissed back, just as passionately.

I have never seen a better O_O face than the one Sasuke made.

After about a solid five seconds of kissing, Sakura pulled back just a little.

Sasuke stuttered. "You . . . you just . . . kissed . . . "

Ino's grin was earsplitting as Sakura turned her face to show the thumb that had been between their lips the whole time. "It was a stagekiss," she said, calm as anything. "They do 'em in plays, for when the actors don't actually want to kiss, and I learned it in drama last week."

Sakura noticed that her boyfriend was still staring at her. "What, you think I'd actually kiss a straight girl?"

Sasuke fumed and almost said something, but instead he simply slung an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders and dragged her off to a random quieter corner. After he stood facing her, he nearly squawked "Kiss a _straight_ girl?"

"Or any girl without asking you if I could have hot lesbian sex and by sex I mean tea-which-is-of-course-still-hot with my friends?"

"Umm . . ."

"Stagekissing only, dear. That's all I did."

There was an exchange of reassuring looks here of the sort you only saw onstage.

" . . . okay. And . . . I'm sorry about the whole flirting thing. I'll stop being cuddly with Hinata?"

Sakura shrugged. "I don't mind all that much, so long as I still get hugs."

"Of course," Sasuke replied. "Umm . . . can I say something and ask you not to hit me for it?"

She raised an eyebrow, but nodded.

"Umm . . . when you and Ino were . . . no, when I thought you were . . . kissing . . . uh . . . that was actually kinda hot."

"Oh?" Sakura raised an eyebrow.

He just nodded.

"In that case, then . . . " she smirked, then continued. "You'll love this."

Sakura placed her hand on Sasuke's face, thumb over his lips, and leaned up to kiss him.

When they separated to breathe, they were both very glad she'd moved her thumb.

_Curtain._

Ending note : Leave reviews! They appease the plotbunnies, who then grant me more ideas like this one so I can bring you more crazy oneshots. Rainbows and hugs~

-Rebel


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